Conflicted and Unheard Feelings

 I think there is a lot of rage, dissatisfaction and pride in me right now and I just have no one to talk to about which sometimes I don't want to share too much of this with because of some reasons. 

My mum ended up not selling the shophouse and is having hope of me having a tuition centre on the first floor. Well, even though I did not discount the fact that I do want to teach and have the thought of giving tuition in the future, I don't like that it's being planned out for me. I feel like being suffocated again and is so under the grip of her. I want to be free and make my own decision and live with my own decision. But I feel so stuck under her, still having the need to stay under the same roof until the house is done in a couple of months. 

While I am half excited about having a tuition business, I am also half depressed because it's been decided for me. Such a conflict of feelings. But I hope it all works out well. Now I have to get over my feelings soon so I can start preparing for this tuition and hopefully it will slowly turn out to a self-sustaining business. Along with my YouTube business. I still want to excel in that. Just at the moment, I am so distracted by this tuition thing that I have just no mood. My mental health has definitely dropped a lot since I stay here in Kajang. It didn't fare that well too when I was at Shah Alam due to other pressures. I would definitely benefit from a therapy session.

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